Necktie Flipped Wrong

 

Necktie Flipped Wrong

(Knots the necessary evils) 

We learn the rope of life by untying its knots.

Jean Toomer    

Hyatt Chandigarh,  Residency amidst the industrial hub of City Beautiful, Five Star, lunch session, marriage of a brother-in-law’s son, celebration to enjoy only, meet and greet many of those whom met after decades, special honour for us: A Pagri Pink an indication of someone, a badge special, “Duhalewale” on my coat pocket that was supporting a red handkerchief, real “Duhalewale” dressed to teeth best shining attires, everybody was looking like Hero and Heroine and many were moving like that only, some had Gait spoiled or artificial I do not know: a wide spread of lunch, snacks and mocktail green, brown yellow big and small served by well dressed persons many were smart enough to serve the specific. I was also too busy with my wife very happy, wearing blue black suit and a bright green Khadi Necktie flipped wrong way with manufacturer label visible to everybody. Many pointed out saying wearing wrong way: they were right. I had hanged it like that on my neck I had my own reasons may be fashion or copying Amitabh Bachchan; fact, was beginning of a new chapter of life, thrust upon, unexpected, the crowd huge, we were alone, exercising faculties to deal with this naughty knot. 

 How many knots can we solve in relations, relationships and affairs, certainly not all: they are more with known, your own people more so with the closets , even if it is solved will leave the mark forever pinching when revived at the slightest provocation. Living with relation knots not easy as meeting them revives wounds, no alternative have to live with them. Forget and forgive is appears the best: easy to say difficult to practice: ignore presence of stressors difficult as some people make their presence felt: do not listen but it is the hearing that creates problems: leave the place on one pretext or the other not always possible: change the topic of discussion sometimes these are too relevant nobody likes to change, when somebody has hidden agenda he would not allow to change the topic rather he will drag everybody present into the rut: there are many who are happy to expose others on wrong side that too in open and in the crowd an act that pleases them or out of vengeance. 

Relationship and affairs are short lived though sometime serious ones may give birth to lifelong relations, so avoidance is best suited solution for knots in them. 

How to attempt avoiding knots in relations in bigger sense a big issue. Exploit your natural faculties in your control: voice and its tone - the quality of voice expressing a particular emotion, volume, tenor- thought or meaning that runs through spoken words in particular, words- polite and polished, mouth not face expressions-delivery of message, time-appropriate one, positivity, concern for the other party, acknowledgment of facts, acceptance of one’s position and utterances, evaluation, analysis, respect, regard for age and formal relationship above all anew the relation if you can. Essence is communication skills: can one improve: certainly, if one attempts, serious enough; imperfect language is the culprit and second biggest is impression about the receiver in your mind: be neutral that may help. 

Silence (Ek chup sau noo haraway) (Silent one defeats hundred), curt (yes or no replies), passive, no emotions, busy somewhere else, or simple Mobile WhatsApp are others ways to avoid knots. 

Knots in fact are as tight as passionate hugs so learn to make hugs out of knots. It is possible, happens when ego evaporates in the parties. 

Thank everyone who calls out your faults, your anger, your impatience, your egotism; do this consciously, voluntarily. 

Jean Toomer